Dove Chocolate Challenge Day # 48 "Believe you can and go for it!" Janet / Atlanta, GA

 (Will post pictures up soon, forgot camera cord at home, so not pics of the day this weekend).

Hi guys,

 I've had an okay day. Kinda lame actually. Most of the day was pretty good but right now everything is just FRUSTRATING! Ugh! Had a spat, we were supposed to leave back home about over an hour ago, at 7pm., but the guys (my husband, his dad, and some other guy), are still working. The deal was to work until 7pm and then leave...but that's obviously not happening. I am frustrated because I do not feel comfortable driving late a night, I know it's only 8pm right now, but in Alaska, it's dark! And where we're driving, if there isn't another car in sight, there will be no lights out! No lamp posts, no street lights, no nothin'! It's a scary ride home, especially since it's icy, (there's black ice out), extremely dark tonight, and there's huge animals that we've got to watch for, i.e. moose and such. So I'm really not having fun right now. I am extremely frustrated. Because it means that we're going to stay here another night. I like staying with family, but sometimes, enough is enough. Plus, Brian has class early in the morning. Which, I don't think is going to happen. He volunteered to drive, I'm sorry to say but my husband is not the best driver in the world, counting he did wreck my car last week while trying to drive in the dark. I trust his driving somewhat in the day time, but no way jose am I going to trust his driving at night. Nope. Not happening. I guess we'll have to call it another night and stay here. I still have to break the news to him that we're doing just that (he thinks we're going to home tonight), but I tell you what, that's certainly not the case right now. A.) He is extremely tierd and he'll probably fall asleep behind the wheel, or he will be unattentive (he usually can't see moose at night, which is REALLY bad). B.) I am extremely exhausted myself, I am not up to being a sleepy driver either, especially because you have to strain your eyes twice as much in the dark, it's colder at night (if an accident happens, we're screwed), moose are harder to see (instead of just seeing their body in the daylight, you can only tell if a moose is out by the reflections of their eyes on your headlights at night), and I'm really not up for driving right now. I already have a little bit of anxiety, no need to make it worse.

SO! With all that to say, I don't think we're going tonight. Men...why don't they ever listen to me? Oh well...I love my husband anyway. I was kinda steaming mad because I kept getting brushed off by the guys, and by my husband, and while I walked inside there was a message on t.v. about forgiveness, about how we're supposed to forgive people not only when they ask for forgiveness, but also when they don't, infact, forgiveness is not about the other person feeling gulity and apologising to you (they may never come to that point), and forgiveness shouldn't happen only when the other person is asking you to forgive them, but forgiveness is a conscious choice to make in the middle of a situation when even nobody has approached you to ask your for your forgiveness. Also forgiveness doesn't mean that you "forget" everything that happened. Who made that crap up? You only forgive when you forget? No way! Then the only time I can forget is if you give me a labatomy! But the more accurate view is forgive and LET GO. You have truly forgiven when you can look back at a painful memory and in return that memory is no longer painful, but remains just a memory, and experience, but without pain attached, that is when you have truly forgiven. So yeah, hate to burst your buble, but that "forgive and forget" crap is not real. There's even scientific evidence for this! For real! But anyway...

Then, I was sorta paying attention to the t.v., but in reality I was more mad than anything, and was just sorta glancing at it to pass time. So then I tried to call a few people that could talk some sense into the guys, but needless to say, I couldn't get a hold of a n y b o d y! And so then I called around and got my grandma's work phone and called her up to let her know what was going on and to see if she could talk some sense into the men. And so I called grandma (Brian's grandma), and so we started talking, she kinda calmed me down, and she just talked some sense into me, and made the situation light. She did say that marriage wasn't easy, and that we have to learn to live with each other and with each other's decision (I mean, it wouldn't be good to drive back home, it's a two hour drive by the way, and be huffin n puffin' mad at each other, that would only cause true trouble, and possibly an accident), but that we should have grace on each other and that it takes time to learn how to deal with each other, even years, and so she told me that she still has to learn to deal with grandpa, sometimes she just has to shut up and not say anything (and I guess in some situations not adding more stress with words is the best way to go), and well, basically she set me straight, let me know that the roads are safe tonight (my aunt is driving back up here as we speak, so she said the roads are great), and that fighting about something isn't a worthwhile thing to do, and she let me know that even though they may not have done right by their decision, that I just need to forgive and let go.

So yeah, there ya go. Forgiveness mentioned twice...and I just thought to myself, God, you are funny. Grandma also said that sometimes God puts things into your way to test ya, so I guess this is one of my tests. Hope I pass.  ;)

Anyway...basically, what I got out of this is that it takes a lot of grace and forgiveness towards each other, and basically, that's what a marriage leans upon. That's how a marriage survives. Gah, not exactly what my ears want to hear, but it's life, and it's truth. We have to allow enough grace into our lives everyday to put up with each other's crap, because we are people, simple human beigns that make mistakes daily. And ya know what? I'm not perfect, and neither is my hubby, but we sure do love each other, even though sometimes it certainly may not seem like it. And the truth is that nobody is perfect, and that's precisely why we need to have grace towards each other. Lately, the words, grace, love, forgiveness, compassion, faith, hope, freedom, and community have been ringing through my ears, and I think that they've become my favorite words, I could practiacally talk about them all day. And I think they're my favorite words because these things don't come naturally, but they stem out of conscious choice made me and you.

So yeah, that's that.

That's what's rollin' around in my little brain.

And you know what? When I started out writing this blog, I was still quite steaming mad, but as I got through it, I think that I've come to a peaceful place and I am now ready to forgive my husband. Yep. Now it's not even a big deal anymore. If I have to drive tonight, and if he has to be my spotter, than so be it, we'll take is slow all the way 'till we get home, and if we decide that it's better off staying here for the night (if I can talk him into it), then that would be pretty cool with me too.

Well, anyway,


I can't say nighty night right now, lol, because for the very first time I'm actually not blogging right before bed.
I'm blogging about 4 hours early. But, I will say have a peacefuly night! And I'm going to go get on my nook (yeah! So cool! A friend bought me one and surprised me with it! It was very sweet!) and I'm going to read the assigned novel reading material for my Russian Literature class! Score! I'm doing my homework early and not the night before! Rock on! :P

Well,

Peace and Chicken Grease,

Love ya'lls!


-Love Your Fellow Chocolatier

P.S., Everyone needs to get a blog or journal or something like that because it's theraputic! Or if you're the artsy type, go buy a sketch book and sketch your feelings!!! It's great! :) Haha, thanks for being my captive audience! ;) You guys rock! :)

P.P.S., I couldn't believe that I could forgive my husband right away, but I had a little spark of hope and it happened, and it's possible, and YOU witnessed it through my writing! :) So that is how today's quote fits in with my day, "Believe you can - and go for it!"